I wrote this in response to a call on Amiright for Michael Jackson parodies. Will You Be There is probably my favorite of his songs, so I wanted to do something with it, and for some reason, the famous flagpole scene from A Christmas Story popped into my mind. (Flick, who is verbally incapacitated throughout most of the song, is thinking his lines, while Schwartz and Ralphie and their teacher are speaking out loud.)
Triple Dog Dare
Schwartz: Dare you.
Triple Dog Dare
Schwartz: Dare you.
I double dare you.
Double dog dare you.
Triple dog dare!
Flick: Schoolyard
In the middle of winter.
My buddy is goading me.
Pretty poor friend!
Lousy Schwartz.
What game is he playing?
He’s pointing and saying,
“Triple dog dare!”
Schwartz: Dare you.
I double dare you.
(Flick: Why?)
Schwartz: Double dog dare you.
(Flick: Shut up!)
Schwartz: Triple dog dare!
(Flick: That’s so dumb!)
Schwartz: Dare you.
I double dare you.
Double dog dare you.
(Flick: So dumb, Schwartz!)
Schwartz: Triple dog dare!
Flick: Flagpole,
Imposing and icy.
My chances are dicey.
The guys are behind me.
They’re all staring.
They’ve gathered to mock me.
And me, I can’t talk because I took the dare,
And boy, was that stupid!
Schwartz: Dare you.
I double dare you.
(Flick: What?)
Schwartz: Double dog dare you.
Triple dog dare!
(Flick: That’s so dumb!)
Schwartz: Dare you.
I double dare you.
(Flick: Ugh...)
Schwartz: Double dog dare you.
Triple dog dare!
Flick: Help, ’cause I’ve got a flagpole on me!
Lost all my verbal control, you see.
Can’t say that it was my goal to be
Freezing cold and stuck.
I’m livid and unlucky!
Ralphie: Uh-oh.
(Flick: Ralphie!)
Ralphie: Looks like it’s frozen.
(Flick: Help me!)
Ralphie: School doors are closin’.
(Flick: Please!)
Ralphie: Look, Flick, I care.
(Flick: Weird way to show it!)
Ralphie: But... well...
(Flick: Well what?)
Ralphie: You hear the school bell.
(Flick: Yeah, who cares?)
Ralphie: Flick, if you can’t tell,
(Flick: Please!)
Ralphie: I’m feeling stressed.
(Flick: Gee, how do I feel?)
Schwartz: Ralphie...
(Flick: Hey, Schwartz...)
Schwartz: Look at ‘im flailing.
(Flick: You watch out!)
Schwartz: Hear how he’s wailing.
(Flick: Yeah...)
Schwartz: Ralphie, I’m scared.
(Flick: I’m gonna getcha!)
Flick: Save me!
(Schwartz: Sorry!)
Flick: I behaved bravely!
(Schwartz: Gotta run, gotta run...)
Flick: Why did you say to me,
“Triple dog dare?”
(Schwartz: Spare me your glare.)
Flick: Tricked me.
(Schwartz: See ya, Flick!)
Flick: Tricked me so coldly.
Nobody told me
(Ralphie: Bye!)
Flick: Life’s so unfair.
(Schwartz: Hang in there!)
Flick: Pull me.
(Schwartz: So...)
Flick: Try to unstick me.
(Schwartz: Any chance he’ll get loose?)
Flick: Get me off quickly!
(Ralphie: From the flagpole? No chance.)
Flick: Boy, what a pair...
(Schwartz: What a dumb dare...)
Flick: Free me!
(Miss Shields: Class...)
Flick: Somebody, see me!
(Miss Shields: Wait, he’s where? He’s out there? How did that happen?)
Flick: Wanna feel steamy!
(Miss Shields: What a mess!)
Flick: Boy, I’m depressed...
(Miss Shields: Coming, Flick!)
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