This is my fourth Harry Potter parody. As I've been spending a lot of time recently trading HP speculations with my friend Beth, I'm not too surprised Rowling's masterpiece is yielding a lot of lyrics. What does surprise me is the fact that it's taken this long to write something focusing on Hagrid, who is my favorite of Rowling's dozens of engaging characters. He's not as hapless as Gilligan, but the two might find they have a couple things in common...
Hagrid
Well, sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a faithful stooge,
The groundskeeper at Hogwarts School
Named Hagrid, who is huge.
Yes, he is a mighty hefty man
Although his hut is small.
He loves the creatures no one else
Finds appealing at all (appealing at all).
His giant hands are big and rough.
He has a massive beard.
He is loyal to young Harry Potter, who
The Dursleys think is weird (the Dursleys think is weird).
No matter what trouble comes his way,
He always has a smile
For Harry and for Ronald too,
And know-it-all Hermione.
He pours them tea
When they come to see him. With glee,
He says, "Please stay a while."
Now this is the tale of our groundskeeper.
He's been there a long, long time,
Though he was sent to Azkaban
For Tom Riddle's crime.
But Dumbledore and Harry too
Both did their very best
To prove his innocence and to
Override that false arrest.
No hardship can get Hagrid down -
Well, except his dreadful fear
That for one of his creatures,
Danger could be extremely near.
Blast-ended skrewts and flobberworms
And dragons full of scales
Warm Hagrid more than anything,
And his love never fails!
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