Upon realizing that I had not yet parodied John Denver, I decided I needed to correct this situation, though curiously all my attempts thus far involve food... I'm one of those people who can't seem to eat anything without dropping food on the floor, myself or someone else. So I'm a slob sympathizer. Here's my lament to the tune of Leaving on a Jet Plane.
Don't Know When I'll Go Out Again
All my silverware is next to my plate.
I'm looking prim. My back is straight.
I'm wearing the most elegant of clothes.
But the food is coming. I quake in fear.
I'll do something dumb just as soon as it's here.
When it arrives, well, what do you suppose?
You dressed me, but look at me!
I'm as messy as can be!
Lap full of pop and General Tso.
My sleeve is dipped in chow mein.
Don't know when I'll go out again.
I'm such a slob, you know!
Oh, I didn't mean to let you down.
Don't stare at me and wear that frown.
Oops! I just dropped another chicken wing.
Every morsel that lies on the floor
Is a morsel I have dropped before.
Neat eating is a very tricky thing.
You dressed me, but look at me!
I'm as messy as can be!
Lap full of pop and General Tso.
My sleeve is dipped in chow mein.
Don't know when I'll go out again.
I'm such a slob, you know!
Now the time has come to leave
A check, and well, would you believe
I managed to get duck sauce on that too?
Do you dream of days you've known
When you have eaten meals alone
Without me there to embarrass you?
You dressed me, but look at me!
I'm as messy as can be!
Lap full of pop and General Tso.
My sleeve is dipped in chow mein.
Don't know when I'll go out again.
I'm such a slob, you know!
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