So Wrong, Brothers Wright (So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright, Paul Simon)

Eighteen years ago, my uncle moved his family from Erie to Dayton, Ohio, site of the Wright-Patterson Air Force Base and hometown of the Wright Brothers. On a recent visit, my uncle remarked that the men made a big mistake when they decided to have their first flight in North Carolina. That comment inspired this parody, a complaint by Dayton residents against the Wright Brothers for slighting their city, which is to the tune of So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright. (Incidentally, I'll be saying "hello" to the subject of that song when his latest album comes out tomorrow; keep an eye out for the review, which will mark number 1000 for me here!)

So Wrong, Brothers Wright

So wrong, Brothers Wright,
Choosing to leave Ohio's skies so blue
The first time that you flew.
So blue, so blue.

We remember, Brothers Wright;
North Carolina's taunted us so long.
We've never been so wronged.
So wrong, so wrong.

Innovations come and innovators owe
Their hometowns the respect they're due.
Dayton's waitin'.
Why Kitty Hawk? We wish we knew.

So wrong, Brothers Wright.
North Carolina's taunted us so long.
We've never been so wronged.
So wrong, so wrong.

A Most Unique Young Man (A Most Peculiar Man, Paul Simon)

Here's a little rumination by Lionel, circa... oh, I guess the second half of season three, to the tune of A Most Peculiar Man.

A Most Unique Young Man

He is a most unique young man.
That's what Alexander said, and he should know.
He is a friend of his.
He said he is a most unique young man.

He is a most unique young man.
He was all alone when he saved Lex,
Who would have drowned if not for him.
A most unique young man.

He loves his friends, he loves his folks -
And who wouldn't love saintly Martha Kent,
With her gentle spirit and her crimson hair?
But she covers for him.
Oh, yes, he is a most unique young man.

I've tried to find a way
To unlock the secret she's sworn to keep,
For she surely knows, but she won't give it up.
Would she maybe tell if she knew I'm doomed?
See, I'm convinced Clark holds the key to cure me somehow...
But it had better be soon.

He looks just like his dad
With those jeans and that plaid,
But isn't he a most unique young man?

Metamorphosis

 Here's a poem addressing Lionel, inspired by one of my favorite Smallville episodes, Transference.

Metamorphosis

 

You were cunning and conniving.

You were suave and debonair,

And your fortunes were as thriving

As your lustrous locks of hair.

Then you harshly were reminded

You were fallible and weak.

So it was when you were blinded

That you first began to seek.

As you blundered in the darkness,

You endeavored to endure,

Probing enigmatic Clark

In hopes that he might hold your cure.

With fair Martha, you sought solace,

But she brushed aside your charms,

And your son became more callous

Though you offered open arms.

In long years of empty living,

Lex learned what you always taught:

That if he should be forgiving,

He would soon be cruelly caught.

When at last your eyes were opened,

You saw what you had to do.

Malice mingled with your hope

As your grim machinations grew.

Like a predator, you waited,

Never dreaming that the day

Soon was dawning when the hated

Hunter would become the prey.

All at once, the balance shifted

And your wealth was meaningless.

Your disease would not be lifted;

You were bathed in bitterness.

Ragged fear and desperation

Carved out craters in your face

As you seethed in caged frustration,

Wholly haggard and disgraced.

There was vitriolic fervor

In your plot to stay alive.

Though the Kent boy had the nerve to

Thwart you, through him, you'll survive.

Now the mysteries that plagued you

Are spread out before your eyes,

But that isn't all he gave you,

And you tremble in surprise.

He restored your health and vigor,

And although that was your goal,

He did something so much bigger.

Clark Kent gave you back your soul.

You've Got an Ent (You've Got a Friend, Carole King)

All this Charlie on the brain has put me in mind of Merry, so here's a little song for Merry and Pippin for their sojourn in Fangorn Forest, to the tune of You've Got a Friend.

You've Got an Ent

Have you found that double
Hobbits make a charming pair
But never, never can match the might
Of the evil enemy
That could be anywhere?
And what about this guy? Is he all right?

When you bid him "hello,"
If his answer's painfully slow -
So long coming, you see the moss grow -
If his hair changes each fall,
If he's ancient, gruff and tall,
If he's Treebeard,
You've got an Ent.

Since the Shire you love is
Threatened by the Dark Lord's shroud,
You feel bold. You want to make orc heads roll.
Treebeard may be weathered,
But he is fierce and proud.
Stick with him and you will achieve your goal.

When you bid him "hello,"
If his answer's painfully slow -
So long coming, you see the moss grow -
If his hair changes each fall,
If he's ancient, gruff and tall,
If he's Treebeard,
You've got an Ent.

Ain't it good to know you've got an Ent?
You're out of the orc horde's hold.
He'll shade you, and he'll aid you
In making Isengard crumble.
Hold tight; don't tumble!

When you bid him "hello,"
If his answer's painfully slow -
So long coming, you see the moss grow -
If his hair changes each fall,
If he's ancient, gruff and tall,
If he's Treebeard,
You've got an Ent.

Randy (Brandy, Elliot Lurie)

I don't mind admitting I am a hard-core American Idol fan. Have been since the first episode of the first season. Now the sixth season is almost upon us, the perfect ticket to beat any potential post-Christmas blahs, and I'm getting psyched. So here's a little ode to Randy Jackson, to the tune of Looking Glass's Brandy, to help gear up for the big event...

Randy

There's a show on the western coast
Where young singers come to bravely boast
That they alone possess the most
Amazing voice around.

And there's a man known for saying "yo".
He is bald, and he's in the know
With bands he sang with long ago.
He started the Dawg Pound.

And Simon says, "Randy, you're a fine man,
What a good judge you will be.
But the show will get its good ratings
Thanks to me."

Randy wears a silver chain
Cuz he likes the bling, and he will not abstain
From jewelry. The stylin' game
Is a pastime Randy loves.

He's quite fond of saying, "Dude!"
And when Simon gets too rude,
He is not afraid to start a feud,
To holler and to shove.

And Simon says, "Randy, you're a fine man,
What a good judge you will be.
But the show will get its good ratings
Thanks to me."

And Randy sits by Paula and he proclaims performers pitchy,
And he chortles from behind his hand when dancing gets too twitchy.
But when he sees those hopeful youths, he advises them with care,
For he has also felt the stage lights' glare.

Each year, in town after town,
Simon tries to beat Randy down.
But Randy Jackson wears no frown
Despite what Simon says.

And Simon says, "Randy, you're a fine man,
What a good judge you will be.
But the show will get its good ratings
Thanks to me."

"Randy, you're a fine man,
What a good judge you will be.
But the show will get its good ratings
Thanks to me."