Fond of Countin' (Go Tell It On the Mountain, Traditional)

Google celebrates the Count today, so I will too, to the tune of Go Tell It On the Mountain.

Fond of Countin'

That fella's fond of countin'.
Gives him a thrill he longs to share.
That fella's fond of countin'.
He counts from eve to morn.

While other folks are sleeping,
He counts throughout the night.
He cackles "One, two, three, four,
Five, six" until daylight.

That fella's fond of countin'.
Gives him a thrill he longs to share.
That fella's fond of countin'.
He counts from eve to morn.

He looks just like a vampire,
But don't be scared away. 
He only wants to tell you
The Number of the Day.

That fella's fond of countin'.
Gives him a thrill he longs to share.
That fella's fond of countin'.
He counts from eve to morn.

Love to Boo (Love Me Do, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

The other day, I blazed through seven episodes of The Muppet Show while putting together a particularly tricky haunted house puzzle, so I have the Muppets on the brain even more than usual. Here's a tribute to the always ornery Statler and Waldorf to the tune of Love Me Do.

Love to Boo

We love to boo.
A scathing review
Will come right on cue
Cuz we love to boo.
Oh, love to boo...

We love to boo.
Our chuckles are few.
We have a great view,
But we sit and stew.
We love to boo.

Drippy and dumb,
Fit for a fool.
Having to watch
This show is cruel!

We love to boo.
That bear has no clue.
The frog's stupid too,
And we ought to sue.
We love to boo.

We love to boo.
Oh, it's nothing new.
It's just what we do.
Cuz we love to boo.
Oh, love to boo.
We love to boo.
Oh, love to boo...

Grover (The Irish Rover, Traditional)

One of the things I am trying to do with my slew of parodies is represent as many of my favorite musicians as I can. This is based on The Irish Rover, as performed by the band of nearly the same name. I've listened the the Irish Rovers for years, and they're one of my favorite bands ever. I'm hoping to see them again next week, as a matter of fact, though I don't know if that will work out... Anyway, this is an ode to my favorite gangly blue monster.

Grover

Well, on Sesame Street you are likely to meet
A small fellow who's furry and blue.
He is gangly and sweet from his head to his feet
And he wants to be buddies with you.
He has got a pink nose and some rarely seen toes,
And he sounds a lot like Yoda.
He is not all that smart, but he has a good heart.
He's the monster that they call Grover.

All the customers hate when he works as a waiter
Because he's completely inept,
And they start getting rude when he brings the wrong food,
But he's charming through all his missteps.
Well, he has helped to make clear what is far and what's near,
And though he has quivered all over,
He's been there as we took a long look through his book,
At the end of which we found Grover.

Grover always is nice, and his words are precise.
You will not hear him say "can't" or "won't".
This trick makes him unique and appeases the geeks
Who love grammar and loathe those who don't.
He is one of those guys who persistently tries.
He perseveres over and over,
Never stopping to rest. I must say, I'm impressed
By this monster that they call Grover.

Now he flies through the air just to help children care
About people who live far away.
And before each trip ends, he has made some new friends
And has learned just how they work and play.
He has visited homes from the grandiose Rome
To Irish fields covered with clover,
And everyone gapes at his helmet and his cape.
They all love him because he's Grover.

I Love Cheese (I Love Trash, Joe Raposo)

A song in response to the distressing quote "The poets have been curiously silent on the subject of cheese," to the tune of Oscar the Grouch's I Love Trash.

I Love Cheese

Well, Camembert carries a certain appeal,
And Gouda is good to digest with a meal.
Just what do those holes in the Swiss cheese reveal?
I love it because it's cheese!

Oh, I love cheese.
Anything gorgeously gloppy and oozy.
'Long as it's cheese, I don't need to be choosy.
Oh, I love cheese!

Tortillas are better with Cheddar, I say,
And Muenster's worth munching throughout the whole day.
Oh, I would be blue if you threw Blue away.
I love it because it's cheese!

Oh, I love cheese.
Anything melty and artery-clogging.
'Long as it's cheese, that is what I'll be hogging.
Oh, I love cheese!

I'd never say no to a nice Provolone,
And Parmesan's perfect on pizzas. I'm known
To eat a whole bag of Cojack on my own.
I love it because it's cheese!

Oh, I love cheese.
Anything classified clearly as dairy.
Life without cheese would be sad and just scary.
Oh, I love, I love, I love cheese!

The Perfect Confection (The Rainbow Connection, Paul Williams / Kenneth Ascher)

Here's a parody of The Rainbow Connection from the perspective of Willy Wonka.

The Perfect Confection

Why are there so many eaters of candy,
Of chocolate, jawbreakers and gum?
Candy is tasty but kind of a waste;
See, your dentist would say that it's dumb.
So I've been told many times by my father,
But he's not much fun, now is he?
Someday we'll find it, the perfect confection,
Those round Oompa-Loompas and me.

Who said that rotten teeth are to be avoided?
They make your mouth full of gold.
I say, the stickier and harder the candy,
The more likely it gets sold.
Kids don't mind holes in bicuspids and molars,
And I am inclined to agree.
Someday we'll find it, the perfect confection,
Those round Oompa-Loompas and me.

Keeping a kid from his sweets
Is nasty, cold-hearted and tragic...

Have you been forced to eat a gaggy green veggie?
I feel so sorry for you.
Have they insisted that candy is harmful?
I do not think that could be true.
I've eaten too many sweets to believe it;
A chocolatier's what I must be.
Someday we'll find it, the perfect confection,
Those round Oompa-Loompas and me.