Pesky Ramona (Lady Madonna, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

One of my favorite characters growing up was Ramona Quimby, the free-spirited girl who is the subject of several Beverly Cleary books.  Now that she's about to hit the big screen, here's a song about Ramona, based on Ramona the Brave, to the tune of the Beatles' Lady Madonna.

Pesky Ramona

Pesky Ramona, making Susan howl.
What did she expect when she aped your owl?
Crushing her creature...  It was only fair.
Stupid stuffy Sue and her boingy hair!

Thought you’d like a room apart from Beezus.
Figured independence would be fun.
Now when night arrives, your blood just freezes.
Bring on the sun!

Pesky Ramona, whiskers on your Qs.
Teacher says to skip ‘em but you refuse.

Six is no fun!
Pesky Ramona, swearing in your rage.
“Guts!” sounds simply ghoulish to a girl your age.

Fighting off the mongrel who’s attacking.
You will lose a shoe before you’re done.
Never mind the footwear that you’re lacking;
Run, ‘Mona, run!

Pesky Ramona, who’d’ve ever guessed
Life could be so tough for a pint-sized pest?

Slytherin (Yesterday, Paul McCartney)

I just finished a re-read of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and one of the scenes that jumped out at me was Harry's brief conversation with the Sorting Hat in Dumbledore's office.  Here's an homage to that moment to the tune of the Beatles' Yesterday.

Slytherin

Slytherin
Is the House you almost put me in.
What a big mistake that would have been!
I don’t belong in Slytherin.

Gryffindor
Is the House I’m clearly suited for.
Can’t you see the courage at my core?
Oh, I belong in Gryffindor.

I spoke to a snake.
Now they quake when I walk in,
Whispering, “Beware!
He’s the Heir of Slytherin!”

Slytherin
Left a lightning scar upon my skin.
Did it also burrow deep within?
Do I belong in Slytherin?

I spoke to a snake.
Now they quake when I walk in,
Whispering, “Beware!
He’s the Heir of Slytherin!”

Slytherin
Left a lightning scar upon my skin.
Did it also burrow deep within?
Do I belong in Slytherin?

Weatherby (Let It Be, Paul McCartney)

Poor Percy, working so hard for Mr. Crouch in Goblet of Fire, and his boss can't even get his name right. Here's a little parody to the tune of Let It Be.

Weatherby

When the tournament is too much trouble and I lack the energy,
I call my assistant, Weatherby.
And when I see the Dark Mark and am shamed before the Ministry,
I call my assistant, Weatherby.

Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby.
Jolly good assistant, Weatherby.

And when I've been outsmarted by the boy who's out to ruin me,
I'll make great demands of Weatherby.
I fear that someone's started to suspect I helped my son to flee.
I'll make great demands of Weatherby.

Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby.
Yes, I'll make great demands of Weatherby.
Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby.
Jolly good assistant, Weatherby.

Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby.
Jolly good assistant, Weatherby.

Bartemius is rowdy, as disgraceful as a boy can be.
I would rather borrow Weatherby,
A young man to be proud of. Oh, why couldn't he belong to me?
Jolly good assistant, Weatherby.

Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby.
Oh, I'll make great demands of Weatherby.
Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby, Weatherby.
Jolly good assistant, Weatherby.

Idol's Gonna Change the World (Across the Universe, Beatles)

Six seasons into American Idol, and I'm still shamefully hooked. So here's an ode to my favorite guilty pleasure, to the tune of the Beatles' Across the Universe.

Idol's Gonna Change the World

Singers wind around the streets for days until their number's up.
We giggle and we gasp, we wonder how they could get any worse.
Catty girls and bashful boys leave dreams of stardom far behind
In dizzy clouds of misery.
Great TV and then some,
Idol's gonna change the world,
Idol's gonna change the world.
Idol's gonna change the world,
Idol's gonna change the world.

Paula picks a petty fight with Simon; he is tactless, but he's wise,
And with acidic slights he speaks of slaughtered verse.
Incoherent Randy rambles. Ryan grins, the face of FOX
Who doesn't mind the jeers that come his way
And every year get worse.
Great TV and then some,
Idol's gonna change the world,
Idol's gonna change the world.
Idol's gonna change the world,
Idol's gonna change the world.

Coming after months of mirth from singing
Solely to amuse, the hand-picked few boast victory.
Nigel and his gang will shove a thousand tie-ins at us till they're done;
That day will come when they have emptied out my purse.
Great TV and then some,
Idol's gonna change the world,
Idol's gonna change the world.
Idol's gonna change the world,
Idol's gonna change the world.

Great TV and then some,
Great TV and then some,
Great TV and then some,
Great TV and then some,
Great TV and then some,
Great TV and then some.

Nottingham (Nowhere Man, John Lennon / Paul McCartney)

Yay for Robin Hood! Here's a parody of Nowhere Man about the Sheriff of Nottingham.

Nottingham

Sheriff of Nottingham,
You are such a naughty man,
Making all your naughty plans for Robin Hood.

Everyone despises you.
Your real friends are very few.
Is it worth it to be rude and mean?
Nottingham, it's no good
Waging battles in Sherwood.
Nottingham, watch out for his merry band!

He's as sly as he can be,
Blending in with every tree,
Shooting arrows expertly. You'll fall.
Nottingham, don't tarry
In the woods. Be wary.
Let him be, and leave Sherwood as fast as you can.
Everyone despises you.
Your real friends are very few.
Is it worth it to be rude and mean?

Nottingham, it's no good
Waging battles in Sherwood.
Nottingham, watch out for his merry band!

Sheriff of Nottingham,
You are such a naughty man,
Making all your naughty plans for Robin Hood.
Making all your naughty plans for Robin Hood.
Making all your naughty plans for Robin Hood.

Love to Boo (Love Me Do, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

The other day, I blazed through seven episodes of The Muppet Show while putting together a particularly tricky haunted house puzzle, so I have the Muppets on the brain even more than usual. Here's a tribute to the always ornery Statler and Waldorf to the tune of Love Me Do.

Love to Boo

We love to boo.
A scathing review
Will come right on cue
Cuz we love to boo.
Oh, love to boo...

We love to boo.
Our chuckles are few.
We have a great view,
But we sit and stew.
We love to boo.

Drippy and dumb,
Fit for a fool.
Having to watch
This show is cruel!

We love to boo.
That bear has no clue.
The frog's stupid too,
And we ought to sue.
We love to boo.

We love to boo.
Oh, it's nothing new.
It's just what we do.
Cuz we love to boo.
Oh, love to boo.
We love to boo.
Oh, love to boo...

Henry's Dog Ribsy (Eleanor Rigby, Paul McCartney / John Lennon)

Here is a little ode to Henry Huggins' lovable mutt, inspired by my good friend Beth's review of Ribsy and to the tune of Eleanor Rigby.

Henry's Dog Ribsy

Ah, he's a lonely little mongrel.
Ah, he's a lonely little mongrel.

Henry's dog Ribsy
Thinks it is nice when the fleas that torment him are gone.
Collar's not on.
Jumps out the window,
Barking at some other dog who's behind a locked door
Till his throat's sore.

Lonely little mongrel.
Why must he rove and roam?
Lonely little mongrel.
He just wants to go home.

Ribsy's boy Henry
Calling his name in a voice that's familiar and clear.
Ribsy can't hear.
Nothing is working.
He remains missing though Henry has searched everywhere.
Ribsy's not there.

Lonely little mongrel.
Why must he rove and roam?
Lonely little mongrel.
He just wants to go home.

Ah, he's a lonely little mongrel.
Ah, he's a lonely little mongrel.

Henry's dog Ribsy
Met with some very nice folks and acquired a new name,
But all the same
Ribsy's boy Henry
Really is who that poor dog has been dying to see.
Where could he be?

Lonely little mongrel.
Why must he rove and roam?
Lonely little mongrel.
He just wants to go home.

The Ghost of Has-Beens Future (Maxwell's Silver Hammer, Paul McCartney)

As I was riding in the car on the way to my camping destination on Friday, it occurred to me that I had not yet parodied a Beatles song, a situation I determined to remedy. I'm somewhat disturbed that the first song I came up with was Maxwell's Silver Hammer; does this reveal some sort of psychosis? Nonetheless, I ran with it. Here is a song for all those flashes in the pan who think they're such hot stuff until they swiftly vanish into oblivion...

The Ghost of Has-Beens Future

Once, Vanilla Ice, Nick Lachey and Sporty Spice
Met up for a drink.
"How long will I last in the business, do you-ou think?"
That's what Sporty asked,
But before the grueling task
Of working it out
Fell to her companions, somebody was heard to shout,
"Not too long!" Who would say such a thing?
The voice began to sing,

"'U can't touch this!' M. C. Hammer
Exuberantly said.
It is such a shame that Hammer's
Career is clearly dead."

Men of high renown - all the members of O-Town -
Readied for a show,
Carefully inspecting their faces in the-e glow
Of the bright stage lights
When one of them jumped in fright.
"Listen up!" he cried.
Faintly, in the distance, they heard a voice sounding snide.
And though they couldn't see him at all,
They heard him cruelly call,

"'U can't touch this!' M. C. Hammer
Exuberantly said.
It is such a shame that Hammer's
Career is clearly dead."

Oops, the Baha Men
Barked up the wrong tree again.
Hanson's bopping's through.
All Saints never, ever will figure out what to do.
At a grad party,
You might hear Vitamin C;
Otherwise they're toast.
(Otherwise they're toast.)
Each one of them is haunted by this peculiar ghost.
Oh, who is this strange bearer of doom
Who cries, beyond the tomb,

"'U can't touch this!' M. C. Hammer
Exuberantly said.
It is such a shame that Hammer's
Career is clearly dead.

Whoa, oh, oh, oh,
M. C. Hammer, man!"