Skywalker (Skywriter, Jimmy Webb)

One of my favorite moments in the Star Wars saga is the scene in Return of the Jedi in which Luke shares with Leia the fact that she is his sister.  Here's a reflection from Leia's perspective in response to that revelation, to the tune of Jimmy Webb's Skywriter. 

Skywalker

I'm sure I should be shocked at what you're telling me right now.
Even so, a part of me always seemed to know somehow.
I confess I feel a fool for kissing you, but still our love is real.

I'm a Skywalker,
Sister you never knew,
Given another name,
And at last I understand this bond we claim.
You're my twin brother.
Luke, you're forever near
Even when you are gone.
Now I don't have to regret I've fallen in love with Han.

He didn't put a lot of stock in Jedi sorcery,
But you have helped him to believe in things he cannot see.
You journey on alone, but we will keep the faith aflame till your return.

Child of Darth Vader.
That part is hard to take,
Unkindest cut of all.
Must I lose you to ensure our father's fall?
I'm a Skywalker,
Never a slave to fear.
Although I wish you could stay,
If the Force will just be with us, we will meet again...

Skywalker,
Never a slave to fear.
Although I wish you could stay,
If the Force will just be with us, we will meet again someday.

A Boy Called Charlie Brown (A Heart in New York, Benny Gallagher / Graham Lyle)

I've had Charlie Brown on the brain lately, so here's a little ode to everybody's favorite blockhead, to the tune of Art Garfunkel's A Heart in New York.

A Boy Called Charlie Brown

Good grief! 
Standing at the pitcher's mound,
Charlie sees his team is failure bound.
Good grief!
He cannot control his pen,
So he'll have to start his letter once again.

Good grief!
He's been cruelly conned by Lucy.
He won't ever learn, will he?
'Cause he's the boy,
The boy they call Charlie Brown.

The boy Charlie Brown is hopelessly sweet
On someone he hasn't the courage to meet.
The boy Charlie Brown puts up a good fight,
But killer trees always capture his kite.

Good grief!
Well, a good man's hard to find,
But ol' Charlie is as kind as he's clumsy,
So here's to Charlie Brown!

Good grief!
When your life has got you down,
Be sure to think of the boy,
The boy called Charlie Brown.

The Kids (The Kid, Buddy Mondlock)

I'm a big fan of A Series of Unfortunate Events, and I can't wait to see how Daniel Handler wraps up the series. Like Smallville, the series explores the sometimes tenuous line between heroism and villainy. Does the end always justify the means? And can one do bad things for a good reason without starting to do bad things for bad reasons? The Baudelaires are increasingly forced to do unscrupulous things in the name of self-preservation, and as unfortunate as it would be for the children to remain Count Olaf's captives indefinitely, it would be worse if they turned to villainy themselves... Anyway, here are some ruminations in the voice of Violet to the tune of The Kid.

The Kids

We're the kids whose guardians often work us
Far too hard. Our intelligence
Helps us sometimes, but Count Olaf has caught us,
And his crimes make us quake in fright.
Sunny bites. She is getting big now.
Time's flown so quickly since that fire.
Books that Klaus reads and inventions of mine
Bail us out when our need's dire.

We're the kids who almost fell out a window,
Staved off beasts and lobotomies,
Sawed through lumber and ran laps in a schoolyard.
We watched Count Olaf take our friends.
It's been months now, and we are so tired
Of all these trials and pitfalls.
Olaf's costumes are unconvincing.
Why can't the others see through them all?

We're the kids who thought our troubles were over
When we silenced those wedding bells.
Though we were talking, those adults just weren't listening,
So we have tales of woe to tell.
Mr. Poe is unfit for his station.
We are deeply disdainful.
We always try so hard to make him change his mind.
His obtuseness is painful.

We're the kids who have this habit of scheming,
And we hate what we have to do,
Cuz the truth is that the more we keep scheming,
The more we become villains too.

How Could I Let That Walleye Go? (All I Know, Jimmy Webb)

It's a sad fact of life that the biggest fish always seem to get away, and always when nobody's watching... Here's one for the fishermen, to the tune of All I Know.

How Could I Let That Walleye Go?

I pulled him, he pulled me.
Pulled a bit too hard and he,
He got caught in the undertow...
How could I let that walleye go?

No one will believe it's true
That fish was as strong as two,
So strong I have no prize to show.
How could I let that walleye go?

When the fish is gone, let the tale live on...

In the tournament, I'll come in last,
Maybe snag a small-mouth bass.
I'll wonder, dreaming of my fell foe,
"How could I let that walleye go?"

When the fish is gone, let the tale live on.
Had a fine time sitting in that boat since dawn,
And if they had seen us fight, how my friends would fawn.

In the tournament, I'll come in last,
Maybe snag a small-mouth bass.
I'll wonder, dreaming of my fell foe,
"How could I let that walleye go,
That walleye go, that walleye go..."

Camping in the Rain (Crying in the Rain, Howard Greenfield, Carole King)

I wrote this Crying in the Rain parody just before we headed home from a very rainy camping weekend, leaving a suddenly beautiful day behind us.
Camping in the Rain

I never thought I'd be
So glad to see polite society.
I guess I lied saying I could abide
Inconvenience and strain.
We did our camping in the rain.

We arrived to cloudless skies,
But we soon were in for an ugly surprise.
We never know on the day that we go
If the clouds will refrain
Or leave us camping in the rain.

Raindrops fell on our pillows,
On our sleeping bags, our campfire and on me.
Because of nasty weather, we huddled close together
And ate our lunch beneath a canopy.

Our weekend had just begun,
But I could tell it wouldn’t be very fun.
We can’t have a ball if the sky’s gonna fall.
Yeah, I think it’s a pain that
We did our camping in the rain.

The thunderheads were forming,
And soon it started storming.
My glasses were so streaked I couldn’t see.

And then when our trip was done,
We drove away under a bright blazing sun.
Oh, I went to school, but I still feel a fool.
Would somebody explain it?
Why'd we go camping in the rain?

Why’d we go camping in the rain?
Why’d we go camping in the rain?
(I prefer when tents are dry.)
Camping, camping, camping, camping...
Seems like the trip was all in vain.
We did our camping in the rain. 

Crying in the Rain 

Snow in July (Woyaya, Sol Amarfio / Osibisa)

While I'm stuck on Angel Clare, here's a Woyaya parody. It's wishful thinking; it has just been so abominably hot here lately. I want to go crick-walking, and I want to get a pool. But I think a freak snowstorm might solve all of my problems...

Snow in July

It is snowing.
Heaven knows why it is snowing.
It is July.

But we don't care.
I'll tell you why we do not care:
Now we won't fry.

It's been so hot, you know,
That we don't mind some snow on the ground.
No, we don't care.
You must see why we do not care.
Bring on the snow!

It is snowing.
Heaven knows why it is snowing.
It is July.

Harry Was An Only Child (Mary Was An Only Child, Albert Hammond / Mike Hazlewood / Jorge Milchberg)

Another Harry Potter song, this one to the tune of Art Garfunkel's Mary Was An Only Child.

Harry Was an Only Child

Harry was an only child.
Nobody held him; nobody smiled.
He grew up with the Dursleys, wretched and poor,
But was destined to win the great wizarding war.

Harry had no friends at all
Till he met Ron and Hermione that fall
When he joined Hogwarts. What was in store
For the one who would win the great wizarding war?

We don't know how the story ends.
Will he find the strength to rescue his friends?
How much must he sacrifice, and how long before
Harry Potter will win the great wizarding war?

Samwise (Bright Eyes, Mike Batt)

I knew I'd have to rhapsodize about Sam Gamgee sooner or later, and what better way to do it than with Bright Eyes, one of the most beautiful songs I know? 

Samwise

Were you this kind from birth,
Furry-footed young squire
Following your master through Middle-earth?
Do you know your worth?
Though you're most at home in a garden,
You have proven that you
Are brave enough to serve the hobbit who
Was destined from birth
To save Middle-earth.

Samwise, child of the Shire.
Samwise, integral to the tale.
How could you know
Without you, Frodo's
Quest would be doomed to fail?
Samwise...

Haunted by Mordor's shadow,
Calmed by Earendil's light,
Wandering, praying to be unseen,
As if in a dream,
Do you miss wind in the trees
And green grass and fresh air?
Is Rose Cotton wondering, "Where'd he go?"
Will you meet your end
Protecting your friend?

Samwise, child of the Shire.
Samwise, integral to the tale.
How could you know
Without you, Frodo's
Quest would be doomed to fail?
Samwise...