Eros the Arrow Boy (Eli the Barrow Boy, Colin Meloy)

The following is a parody of the Decemberists' Eli the Barrow Boy, which sounds like one of the oldest songs I've parodied but is actually one of the newest. Posting that last parody of a song Clay Aiken sang put me in mind of my favorite hip young crooner of old standards. I might not be quite this far gone, but I certainly consider myself a Claymate...

Eros the Arrow Boy

Eros the arrow boy
Of the old myths
Spurns pants and spreads romance.
See his prey kiss
All down the day.

Above the city roofs,
He is shooting,
And few are Eros-proof.
He's a cute thing
All down the day.

Would he could come back
And get my love to woo me.
How I wish that I
Could help him find a way!
Till that time, while he
Is still a stranger to me,
I'll sit here and daydream about Clay.
I'll sit here and daydream about Clay.

Eros the arrow boy,
Be an angel.
You would bring me such joy
If you changed his
Hallowed heart today.

He'll say that he is mine.
I won't argue.
Slip that into your design.
Though it's hard,
You must find a way!

Would you could come back
And get my love to love me.
How I wish that I
Could help you find a way!
Till that time, I'll search
The sunny skies above me
While I sit here and daydream about Clay.
I'll sit here and daydream about Clay.

This Gambling Urge (Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me, Harry Noble)

I've been enjoying going to Casino Niagara with a friend of mine lately. When we go, we only play the free money given to us as part of the bus trip; otherwise, something like this could happen... In anticipation of Art Garfunkel's upcoming uber-oldies album, this is to the tune of Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me.

This Gambling Urge

Hit me, hit me!
I'll admit the blackjack bug has bit me, bit me.
I have been attacked, and it's the pits be-, pits be-
Cause I cannot shake this gambling urge.

Show me, show me
All the latest slot machines to go de-, go de-
Posit all these stacks of green. I know we, know we
Can't afford it, but I've got this urge.

They told me, "Be sensible with your spending.
Don't be fooled when the dealers say you can win."
But they never stood here for hours on end in
The warm glow of the neon lights and watched the slots hypnotically spin!

Bill me, bill me!
When we leave, I'm certain that we will be, will be
Deep in debt. I know I have been silly, silly,
But I just can't help this gambling urge.

I'll Turn Invisible (Invisible, Chris Braide / Andreas Carlsson / Desmond Child)

This one was too perfect to pass up. Besides being about invisibility, it's about stalking somebody, which Harry Potter sure does a lot of. Even some of Clay Aiken's biggest fans find this song a bit creepy. Malfoy definitely brings out the most poisonous aspects of Harry's personality...

I'll Turn Invisible

What is he doing tonight?
I'm glad I can be like a fly on his wall.
Is he working alone?
What are his schemes?
Why can't I get him out of my life?
What will it take to make them see that I am right?

Well, I'll turn invisible,
And I will stalk Malfoy in the gloom.
Though I'm not invincible,
I'll follow him tonight.
My cloak is unshakable,
So I'll back my theory up with facts.
I will catch him in the act
When I turn invisible.
Yes, I'm on the attack.

I saw his face in a crowd.
I wanted to maim
Him without a sound.
It would be a big step
If I could just make
An effort to get into his mind
Before he joins with Snape and ruins my whole life.

Well, I'll turn invisible,
And I will stalk Malfoy in the gloom.
Though I'm not invincible,
I'll follow him tonight.
My cloak is unshakable,
So I'll back my theory up with facts.
I will catch him in the act
When I turn invisible.
Yes, I'm on the attack.

I'll reach out.
He won't even see me.
He will think he's dreaming
If by chance he hears me.
I will start collecting clues
Like a shadow passing through.

Well, I'll turn invisible,
And I will stalk Malfoy in the gloom.
Though I'm not invincible,
I'll follow him tonight.
My cloak is unshakable,
So I'll back my theory up with facts.
I will catch him in the act
When I turn invisible.
Yes, I'm on the attack.