Here's a parody of The Rainbow Connection from the perspective of Willy Wonka.
The Perfect Confection
Why are there so many eaters of candy,
Of chocolate, jawbreakers and gum?
Candy is tasty but kind of a waste;
See, your dentist would say that it's dumb.
So I've been told many times by my father,
But he's not much fun, now is he?
Someday we'll find it, the perfect confection,
Those round Oompa-Loompas and me.
Who said that rotten teeth are to be avoided?
They make your mouth full of gold.
I say, the stickier and harder the candy,
The more likely it gets sold.
Kids don't mind holes in bicuspids and molars,
And I am inclined to agree.
Someday we'll find it, the perfect confection,
Those round Oompa-Loompas and me.
Keeping a kid from his sweets
Is nasty, cold-hearted and tragic...
Have you been forced to eat a gaggy green veggie?
I feel so sorry for you.
Have they insisted that candy is harmful?
I do not think that could be true.
I've eaten too many sweets to believe it;
A chocolatier's what I must be.
Someday we'll find it, the perfect confection,
Those round Oompa-Loompas and me.
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