A few days ago, my friend called me excitedly to tell me that in response to a fan letter she had written, she received an autographed cast photo from House, which is one of our favorite shows to watch together. "You have to write a letter too!" she urged me. I agreed, but given my current obsession, I thought I'd try my hand at a parody first. I think Jim Croce might have gotten a kick out of this show...
Bad, Bad Dr. House
In a hospital in Princeton
Works a man named Gregory.
And if you go down there, you'd better just beware
Of him. He is House, M.D.
Well, his ethics are appalling,
And he's sadly short on class.
Those big words he uses help him to abuse
His patients. Dr. House is crass.
And he's bad, bad Dr. House,
Far too caustic to be a spouse.
Meaner than ol' Simon Cowell.
His remarks are really foul.
He's a diagnostic wizard,
And he loves to save a life.
But his ego's poison, and his sarcasm's annoying
And will cut you like a knife.
He's got a shiny motorcycle
And astonishing blue eyes.
Kind-hearted Wilson's his buddy, and the anal Cuddy
Is the boss he's terrorized.
And he's bad, bad Dr. House,
Far too caustic to be a spouse.
Meaner than ol' Simon Cowell.
His remarks are really foul.
He works with Chase and Foreman
And, just to add some spice,
Ambitious Cameron, who is attracted to him
Though he isn't very nice.
Well, his ex-girlfriend came calling,
And some trouble soon began.
He was forced to save her husband, and he raved,
For Dr. House is a jealous man.
And he's bad, bad Dr. House,
Far too caustic to be a spouse.
Meaner than ol' Simon Cowell.
His remarks are really foul.
People seem to want to change him,
To salve the scars from ages past.
House, however, will be cruel forever;
If he weren't, he'd get boring fast.
And he's bad, bad Dr. House,
Far too caustic to be a spouse.
Meaner than ol' Simon Cowell.
His remarks are really foul.
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