I was inspired to write the parody of Kenny Rogers' The Gambler while watching my dad try to light a fire with wood that had been rained on for several hours
The Camper
On a warm summer's evenin'
In the middle of nowhere,
I met up with a camper. We were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a-starin'
At a flimsy pile of branches
Till hunger overtook us, and he began to speak.
He said, "Son, in my long life
I've ignited lots of tinder,
Built a lot of campfires that have billowed to the skies.
And if you don't mind my sayin',
Well, that's quite a measly cinder.
If you ever want your dinner, then here's what I advise."
I put down my fire starter
'Cause I knew this guy was smarter
And I figured I had better let him have his say.
Well, I sure am glad I did 'cause
That guy knew what a dumb kid was,
And he must've known I still would recall his words today.
"You've got to know when to light it,
Know when to fight it,
Know when the wood is dry,
Know when it's wet.
You've gotta balance paper
With the sticks that you've collected.
I have hiked across this mountain;
So could you, I bet.
Every camper knows
The secret to survival
Is knowin' what you're doin' when the other fella don't.
Don't think you can rely on
Your buddy if you're strugglin'.
Though he may know how to help you, chances are that he won't."
And as he finished speakin',
I noticed somethin' burnin'.
I'm not sure how he did it, but that fire was alight.
That fella, he was clever,
And I was slowly learnin'.
I cooked my pork and beans and I took a giant bite.
"You've got to know when to light it,
Know when to fight it,
Know when the wood is dry,
Know when it's wet.
You've gotta balance paper
With the sticks that you've collected.
I have hiked across this mountain;
So could you, I bet."
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