A Prejudiced Protest

Here's a little rant I wrote in the voice of grumbly Gimli. He certainly wasn't too keen on spending much time with Legolas when the Fellowship was formed. If only he knew...

A Prejudiced Protest

I don’t want to go questin’
With any ruddy Elf
From the high and mighty West.
I would rather go myself.

I would rather battle Sauron
With my axe and my bare hands
Than accompany this moron
Across strange and barren lands.

I won’t travel any distance
With this pointy-eared buffoon.
I will utter my resistance
Till the light of Durin’s moon.

He’s self-satisfied and prissy.
Gandalf thinks he’s grand, I know,
But I bet that he’s a sissy
And he’s never used that bow.

He’s ethereal and pretty
With his lustrous golden hair;
Our adventure will be gritty,
And he’s surely unprepared.

I can almost hear him whining
In his silly silken style.
He’ll be melancholy, pining
For his trees mile after mile.

I’m a noble son of Gloin.
I resent being subjected
To his company. I’m goin’,
But I’m angry and dejected.

If I can, I will avoid him,
Difficult as that may be;
If I find I have annoyed him,
That will be just fine with me.

I will put up with this Greenleaf,
But don’t blame me if I fail.
He will be giving me more grief
Than a Dark Lord grim and pale.

If I manage not to kill him
By the time this journey ends,
I will be impressed but still
Know we never can be friends.