The Importance of Being Sockful

I was killing time on Facebook the other night, and I decided to doodle on my brother's page, eventually settling on a sketch of a rather Jerry Garcia-looking Dumbledore accompanied by the words "Socks. Don't leave home without them." This got me thinking about that "Wear Sunscreen" speech that was so popular when I graduated from high school in '99. Evidently there are no graduation ceremonies at Hogwarts, but there's the big end-of-the-school-year feast, so I figure that's a good time for Dumbledore to have delivered this little address...

The Importance of Being Sockful
Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs,
Gryffindors and Slytherins,
Kindly lend your eyes. Incline your ears.
Though I'm sure you've had enough
Of this old man's blithering,
Listen, youngsters; listen, seventh-years.

Don't forget to always keep
Fresh supplies of socks on hand:
Fleece or cotton, checkered, striped or plain.
Study hard, and you will reap
Rich rewards. Don't ever stand
Idly by as someone causes pain.

When your potion-making's done,
Please be sure to scourgify;
Keep your cauldron free of slime and ooze.
Love and laugh. Don't flee from fun.
Never fight the urge to cry.
Destiny is something that you choose.

Whether you are Muggle-born
Or a Pure-Blood through and through,
Show respect to everyone you meet.
Seek out friends when you're forlorn.
Look at beans before you chew
Lest an earwax flavor mar your treat.

Do not dabble in Dark Arts.
Thank the elves who cook your meals.
Know the time for lumos and for nox.
Brains are grand, but so are hearts;
Worthy is the one who feels.
Most of all, though, trust me on the socks.